


Someone Else's Nightmares

by Lackaday



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Dissociation, Hurt/Comfort, Loss of Identity, M/M, Night Terrors, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-09
Updated: 2015-11-09
Packaged: 2018-04-30 19:08:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5176310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lackaday/pseuds/Lackaday
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>!WARNING, MAJOR SPOILERS FOR MGS5!</p>
<p>Venom wakes up from a repeating night terror- one of Big Boss's. He calls for Kaz's help in the middle of the night, just to spite Big Boss's instinct of "don't let anyone know about the nightmares".</p>
            </blockquote>





	Someone Else's Nightmares

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this as a ventfic, and finished it like a week after the fact- when I remembered it existed :0  
> I like this one, hope you guys do too.

In a way, Big Boss, he was a funny guy. Funny like a joke you had to force a laugh out at from its sheer absurdity. The scene: Venom sat up in his bed- room dark and blankets strewn across the floor, he himself drenched in a cold sweat. The black was like a palpable fog in the air closing in and in and in and in and in on him- strangling him. It was normally so comforting to feel as if there was nothing beyond what he could see but now- waking up in the black room was suffocating. At the same time- there he was in the field of white flowers endlessly flowing from red to white to red like a looping replay. Looking down at his mother- John’s mother. His mom looks up at him with those piercing eyes; she already knows she’s been dead for a day. She’s not even mad. Not even upset. And that makes it even worse. Maybe she feels sorry for him. He feels like turning the gun on himself- it’s her gun- but his arm is frozen, pointed at her, and the gun shot’s been ringing in his ears for years.

Jack can’t tell if he’s blacking out or if it’s just the darkness in the room seeping into his dripping eyes. Maybe he went blind in both eyes, and just forgot? The same way he’d forgotten so much already. The skin on his neck and around his horn ached and Jack lifted his hands to scratch at them. His chest heaved and someone was making small, fearful noises- which he could hear between his coughing gasps for air which just weren’t enough. He was going to die. He was dying. He was going to die as a shell of another man- he wasn’t Jack, no, no no no he wasn’t god damn fucking piece of shit Jack, with his spotty piece-of-shit memory and piece-of-shit PTSD and refusal to talk to anyone about it- he wasn’t sure if that last part was him or not but that was something he couldn’t manage to go against. One of the “ties” between them that grounded Him to Big Boss, beyond just a title and what people projected onto him.

Though what was he but projections?

Fuck Jack. Head swimming, He pawed the dark bedside table for his iDroid. Feeling it in his hand, he choked out a sob as he clicked it on and radioed the first person he could think of. When Master Miller didn’t answer instantly, Venom drew his hand up to chuck the iDroid in frustration- but he was stopped at the last moment by the sound of an incoming call.

Miller’s tired voice was like a handful of grainy sand sifting through your fingers. “Snake? What.”

He wanted to say something, but no sound came out beyond his labored breathing.

“Boss? Snake, are you okay? You sound like you’re hurt.” The alert in Kazuhira’s voice ratcheted up.

“Ah’mnn” was all he managed. He wanted to tell him he was fine, just bring a cold drink to his room, please. But the words refused to form.

“S-Snake? Snake you’re starting to freak me out, where are you?”

“M’room. H-…” The rest of the world ‘help’ was lost in another gasp for breath.

“ _Venom?_ ” Kaz asked fearfully. “Just… hang tight. I’ll be there.”

He made another whimpering sound.

Venom felt so unlike himself; like he was just an unacknowledged observer from inside his own skull. Was his forehead bleeding? Maybe the horn was drilling deeper into his brain? Then he’d be free of worrying and hurting and stressing. The victor a slave, the loser a free man.

It felt like a half hour until Master Miller opened his door, light flooding in to reveal Venom curled up in his underwear on the bed. His knees were drawn up to his chin and his hands covered his face, with his fingers painfully wound around his bleeding horn. He didn’t look up when Master Miller called his code name.

_Venom?_

**_Venom?_ **

It was when Master Miller started shaking him that He came back to awareness. He looked up, clueless.

“Dear god, Venom,” Miller mumbled, pulling at the fingers digging into the skin around Venom’s horn. “Stop-stop it, what are you…”

Venom, fingers still tense, let them be pulled away. He tucked his hands around himself and looked off at the wall.

There were a few awkward minutes where neither of them spoke and Venom wished Miller would just leave. It seemed like Miller was about to, until the lamp was flicked on instead. Miller shuffled back to the bed and sat down next to Venom, saying nothing. All there was were the shaky sounds of Venom’s breathing, and he couldn’t bring himself to look at Miller to see if the other was trying to find something to say or not.

Then, he heard Miller take a breath. “Snake… did you… have a night terror?”

“I’m fine.” Venom’s voice was a hoarse whisper.

“You’re not fine.” Miller said firmly. “It’s… it’s _okay_ to not be fine. I know that I’m not fine all the time and I don’t say as much as I should, but Boss what’s going on with you- I-“ He struggled to explain himself. Venom felt a bitter twist in his gut as Miller continued. “Please. _Please Snake_. _Talk_ to me.”

Venom could feel his wet eyes start dripping hot tears again, and they just wouldn’t stop. He felt Miller rest his hand on his back, rubbing small soothing circles, and he choked out a, “Don’t call me Snake. Please.”

“Okay.”

It was another minute before He could speak again. “V-Venom. Or,” he groaned, hands coming back up to his face. “ _I don’t know._ ”

“It’s just a bad night, Venom. We all have them.”

“I feel like I’m dying.”

“You’re not. What was that dream?”

He didn’t say anything back.

“Venom?”

Venom’s voice was breathless. “Fake memories.” He swallowed thickly. “Who am I, Kaz?”

“You’re-“ Kaz paused.

Venom felt like sobbing again, but he kept himself together long enough for Master Miller to finish.

Kaz went on, “You’re Venom. You’re the best soldier who ever lived. You’re a damn fine medic. You’re my… You’re my best friend. You’re a strong person. Stronger than anyone. You’re kin.” He trailed off, not sure if this is what Venom wanted or not. Quietly, he scooted closer to V and leaned on him, cheek pressed against his bare back. Gently, he snaked his one arm around the other. “And you believe in people.”

“It was about The Boss.”

“The dream?”

Venom took another shaky breath. “Yeah. It’s not fair.”

Kaz had learned more about The Boss from Venom than from Big Boss. It was a little weird, how much more Venom trusted him with his past and his problems than Big Boss had. But it made him feel special. “Yeah…” After a few moments, he asked, “V?”

When there wasn’t an answer, Kaz continued, assuming he was listening. “What if we… found, your other past.”

Venom still didn’t answer.

“V?... V, what’s on your mind?”

Venom coughed a bit. “Kaz, do you actually think of me as someone else? Not like a - like a cheap knock off, or a - would you still...” his voice died in his throat.

Kaz sat up anxiously. “Would I still what?”

“If I didn’t… If I wasn’t Big Boss. You wouldn’t be here for me.”

“ _Venom_.” Kaz sounded so wounded. V couldn’t bring himself to look over. “Venom I love- Venom I-“ Kaz tripped over his words and sputtered, and as he did so, Venom started shaking and crying again. He could hear Kaz’s voice crack behind him- maybe he was crying from his ice white eyes too.

When Kaz started talking again, it was clear that he was. “I-I know that it’s fucked up, the way we got to know each other. But, but whatever I felt for you because of him, or because I thought you were him, was shattered when I found out what- what that monster did to you.” He sniffed loudly and blinked away tears, not wanting to let go of Venom to rub them away. “Everything I feel for you now- that’s all you. That’s all you. And if- and when sometimes I look at you and I think it’s him it’s… I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.” His voice was as broken as Venom’s as he spoke. “It’s fucked up and I try so hard not to let it happen, and it makes me feel sick and I’m sorry that I get mad at you sometimes when you didn’t do anything. I- Venom I l _ove you_. I love _you_. And if this, if neither of us are okay after tonight then I guess that’s just life but- Venom I- I wanna help you. It’s gonna… it’s gonna be okay.” He curled around V more. “It’s gonna be okay.”

Venom pulled Kaz off enough to turn around, rubbing his own eyes clear with his free hand, and pulled Kazuhira to lay down with him. The blanket was on the floor, and the lamp was still on, but both of them were so god damn tired. He mumbled “sleep” when Kaz made a questioning noise, and reached up to take off Kazuhira’s sunglasses. The charming fool, wearing them even now. Venom placed the glasses on his bedside table and settled in with Kaz, who pulled himself closer against V.

“We have tomorrow. We’ll talk tomorrow morning.” Venom mumbled. Kaz hummed back, eyes already drifting shut.

 Venom whispered into Kaz’s hair as they both fell into sleep, “I love you too.”


End file.
